“What am I to myself but a guide to my own self-destruction?”
St. Augustine of Hippo
in the “Confessions”
So, you’ve placed an order? And you want my specialty, the Suprise-flavor ice cream. Yanking my crumpled uniform, you asked: “Why is it called as such?”
“If I answer you, then it will no longer be a Surprise, right?” You raised your eye, not used to hearing ‘no’ for an answer.
I am silent, at least, at first. As soon as I feel comfortable, then I’d start to babble. Things or ideas that interest me, conversations that strike at my passions – these are just some of those scenarios where you could probably caught me talk nonstop.
But most of the time, I’d rather shut it. I’d rather not talk. No one asks me why as it is easier (or convenient) to assume that I’m just the quiet type. Whatever the case, or perhaps just to craft something insightful, I present you, my silent code.
Because some things are best kept inside
Remember that time when your crush smiled at you? Or when you just got an amazing feedback over something you did? Feelings started to bubble up and it’s rising forth – making it inevitable to share it to the world through a Tweet, Facebook post, or the proverbial nook-whispering.
Notice how, as soon as you share it, the “feeling” of joy or excitement subsides. It’s ironic that while these feelings push you to build words, to recreate experiences and feelings into text-versions, it also invites the effect of reduction.
Imagine your feelings as something that grows like a bubble. It would have grown larger, which entails longer moments of ‘actually experiencing’ it. The words (or tweets or posts) would come only to pierce it. Poof!
Now, why would you want to ‘cut’ the feeling so soon?
Because something bad is brewing
Sardonic statements. Phrases that present various layers of interpretations that will soon muddle, if not offend, you. These are just few of my awful blends of “bad brews.”
In keeping with the adage that says, if you can’t say something nice, shut up, I swallow those sarcastic remarks. Yes, it might work well as a joke. And yah, it does make conversations interesting. But in my best judgement, I could always try to cut on delivering acerbic remarks.
Sarcasm – even those we find to have so little fangs – might be best given birth and then murdered right inside our complex heads.
Because I’m ridiculously slow
Folks think it’s a huge disadvantage. Despite being blessed with a quick wit (a.k.a. sarcasm), I do exhibit a very slow response on some comments. It could be a joke or an annihilating remark about someone, or even me. I don’t know why – but processing these statements fast enough to counter it just don’t happen at a rate I’d prefer.
The thing is, I don’t necessarily think it’s that bad. My slow “reflex” makes for the gradual “drinking” of thoughts. It helps me complete a satisfying comprehension over a subject. Yet, the biggest plus about this amusing slowness is that ability: to actually hold on words, and not say anything that I might sooner or later regret.
Because it’s not yet cooked
When ideas come, they usually arrive raw and unpolished. In a kitchen’s setting, we could consider these ideas “half-cooked.” Now, to be taken seriously, be it at work or school, ideas need to be cooked well.
It requires proper ingredients: a bit of research, a defined scope, and even some scenarios for that instant connection (between the idea-giver and idea-recipient). Unless, I’m looking at others to improve or build upon my insights, it is best to keep my mouth shut and open it later for the serving. 🙂
The flower stalls are a long, long way from our place. Still, I couldn’t resist the temptation of seeing new sights, people, and minute-stories.
Saturday afternoon, at a time when the sun is mild in our skins, I ventured out. I took the usual jeepney ride and let its wheels do the talking for thirty to forty minutes or so. And then I spend the rest of the journey briskly walking, sauntering along stalls and eager vendors.
Always – I find that my efforts do pay off. Different kinds of flowers meet me. And if there’s something worth bragging in today’s flower-date, it’s the fact that I was able to bring these rambutan-like beauties at home.
Hurrah to these ‘lipstick plants!’